just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
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