He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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