I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
