I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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