ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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