your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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