it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
