he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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