Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
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