Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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