I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
