Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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