I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
