just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
There r osticjed everywhere
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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