Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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