So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
