i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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