five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
