singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
