omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
