at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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