Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize