Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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