I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
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