tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
