I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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