sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
