have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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