is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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