it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
