found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
