I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
