I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
