I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
time to smoke my breakfast
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
