How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
