Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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