I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
