Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
vagina is talking i cant
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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