My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
