This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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