I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Randomize
