Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
