Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
