Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
