I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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