Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
