Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
