best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
