hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
