You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
