glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
