She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
