what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I look better un-naked...
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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