so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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