This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
