I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
