he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize