if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
she pinky promised me she was 18
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
