At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Is it because I queefed?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
