from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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