my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
This is my gift to your gina
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize