You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
