i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
she pinky promised me she was 18
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
