so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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